You have the workload of which of the following?
The national railway complaints department
Two hod carriers
The manager of a cemetery which is full
What is most likely to cause you most stress today?
The Ivy being full for lunch
That 10,000 word report which is due in and which the dog did actually eat this morning
You are in charge of disaster planning for London and the prime minister calls you, mentioning something about a small pox outbreak
What do you do to alleviate the tension at work?
Squeeze a stress ball
Pop to the loo, where your booze is carefully hidden in a plastic bag inside the cistern
Get your underlings to perform Peter Pan in the boardroom again. That always cheers you up, or there's always the yacht
Interruptions can cause stress and increase workloads. Which of the following is closest to your experience?
You have to take the phone off the hook to try and work through your inbox of 6,000 emails
Robert, the gormless lump you work with, gives you a running commentary of his day including details of his phone calls to his mum, his plumber and his pet's therapist
Once, an albatross flew through the window of the lighthouse where you are the keeper, but that was the only life you have seen for six months
How competitive is your workplace?
As a professional heavyweight boxer, work tends to get quite competitive, especially during a world championship bout
Brian in accounts came in wearing cuff links on Monday. So that's his game - its time for your designer shirt to make an appearance
You spotted one of your work mates reading Machiavelli, and have to keep checking your back for daggers
What's your life outside work like?
As a freelance writer and author, you work from home in a rambling mansion in London's leafy Hampstead and fill your days with lunches and tennis matches with Martin Amis
Great - sometimes, when you get out of the office at just 10pm, you've got time to get a beer at the bar in the station before catching the train for your two hour commute home
As a Russian astronaut on the International Space Station its hard to get out and indulge your passion for fishing or hitting the town
What would your reaction be to someone asking if you were stressed?
Breaking down in tears. Nobody else has ever cared
Oh God yes, I'm so stressed. Daddy's lowering my trust fund payments to £4,000 a week. Does he want me to have shoes?
Me stressed? There's no time to be stressed in this business, sunshine
Your day at work is punctuated by:
Thrice-daily champagne and strawberry breaks
Coffee, coffee, please, more coffee
Anxiety attacks
You know when you're stressed at work when:
Those funny unexplained fits keep coming on again, and you come to in hospital
You lose the feeling in your left side
The firm's massage person is fully booked
At work, you fantasise about:
Downshifting to a pastoral existence and buying a cottage in rural Ireland
Leaping from the building
Your boozy three hour lunch-break, oh how the day wears on
