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Online and outtasight!



Bel Littlejohn
Friday November 19, 1999
guardian.co.uk


PenmanX: You once said in your column that you would never wear suspenders and you supported Ken Livingstone and you couldn't see the point of Leonardo DiCaprio and you were against fox-hunting. And in the last paragraph you said that Joseph Stalin was right on all the main issues, even though you didn't usually fancy a man with a moustache. But where do you stand on the whole Zoë Ball and Gerry Adams thing?



Bel Littlejohn: Thank you for that question, PenmanX. As you will already know from my columns, I am a great admirer of Zoë Ball, who is one of the greatest communicators of the 20th century. And if ever Gerry Adams appears on the Zoë Ball breakfast show, I would be the first to cheer. I hear Gerry is really into The Prodigy, which certainly makes him a hero in my book!

KennyG: In June 1986, you said that all men were bastards. Then in July 1991, you said that all men were saints and all women were bastards. And in November 1993, you said that everyone was a bastard, not including you. Then in January 1995, you said that 90% of women were lesbians, and of those 90% another 40% were bastards. But more recently, in March 1998, you said that 60% of men were closet lesbians, and the remaining 40% sado-masochists. Could you say where you stand now?

Bel: Eighty-five percent of all men are transvestites, and that's a fact. I'm not necessarily saying that Frank Dobson is a transvestite, but the statistics point in that direction. I am reliably informed that his beard is detachable, and that it was purchased at Berman and Nathan's Theatrical Costumiers in April 1974. Without it, and with a modest application of eye-liner, he is said to look just like the late Yootha Joyce. As to whether all men are bastards - well, my ex-partner, Don, has still not given me back the Byrds Greatest Hits CD which I bought with my own money thank you very much in the Camden Record and Tape Exchange in 1985 and for which I still have the receipt .

Factotum : You used to write a lot about your great friend Barbara Follett MP. Why haven't you mentioned her for at least a year, possibly more?

Bel: Disappointingly, since May 1, 1997, no one has seen or heard of Barbara Follett. I am sure that, if she is still current, she is without doubt a marvellous constituency MP. Keep up the good work, Barbara! The last time I saw her she was colour-toning herself for a local hospital radio appearance in lovely autumnal hues of greens and orangey-browns. Sadly, she went for a walk in a wood the autumn before last and has never been seen again.

SophieP: Your public relations company, Bel and Frendz, is pre-eminent in its field. Many people credit you with winning the last election for New Labour. But would you ever take on a client you didn't believe in?

Bel: No. For instance, I am a great believer in the Body Shop - only this morning I put their Elderflower and Chicken Biryani Elbow Rub on a rough spot - and I truly believe that, under our client Janet Street-Porter, the Independent on Sunday is going from strength to strength.

Jhow: In the rather dull landscape of British journalism you are an exception. I wonder if any kind of pressure is put on you by your editors?

Bel: As you probably know, as well as being an award-winning columnist, I am also a senior editor on this newspaper, bless it. This means I am in charge of nudging writers in the direction that it would be in their own interest to take. The first two or three hours of every day I spend going from desk to desk in the office offering my own brand of personal encouragement. "Fewer jokes, Hugo, if you please!" is the sort of thing I say as I pass a well-respected colleague struggling away on his lap-top. But when it comes to my own copy, I refuse to succumb to any form of "pressure", beyond expressing the views of the editor. I also take pains to keep the two sides of my working life - my journalism and my public relations business, Bel and Frendz - entirely separate. For instance, I will never mention a product or products with which I am professionally involved.

JackleB: Any tips for happiness?

Bel: A life subscription to the Independent on Sunday, and a family-pack of Body Shop Marzipan and Blackcurrant Foot Lotion.

Take part in discussions like this one every day on my Guardian network at zzz://timewaste.newsunfettered.co.uk






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